Okay, so I’m going to get really personal here, more than I’ve been willing to do on the internet, but apparently it’s necessary.
There’s a world of misinformation out there when it comes to PLEASING A WOMAN SEXUALLY.
There is a REASON lesbians do it better. Men are misinformed and I blame that largely on porn. Porn is not what sex looks like, especially not lesbian sex. You’d think everyone knew that, but men seem to base everything they know about pleasing a woman on what they see in the videos they’re so obsessed with watching.
Men, porn is wrong.
I’m writing this because I think men deserve the chance to really please a woman and the only way they’re going to do that is if they’re given the right information and poor, poor straight women don’t even know how to BE properly pleased because they’ve been forced to be touched only by men who’ve learned their skills from porn.
Man, do I feel bad for you straight girls.
That’s right people, I’m gay.
But I have slept with men. And the difference is astounding.
So I’m here to help you straight people in understanding the real way to please a woman. To really satisfy a woman, you have to be an expert at foreplay.
First and foremost…
ORAL IS NOT FOREPLAY.
Holy crap!! How is that so WIDELY MISCONSTRUED?
If you look up foreplay tips, that’s all you hear about. Sure, you get, “Touch her all over, whisper in her ear, touch her boobies,” and that’s all well and good, but the main focus is, “ORAL, ORAL, ORAL.”
Let me tell you something. It is called ORAL SEX because IT IS A FORM OF SEX. Anything, I MEAN ANYTHING, that results in an orgasm is sex. Anything that is physical touching of the genitals is sex.
So what is foreplay?
Foreplay is everything done to the body BEFORE THE GENITALS ARE TOUCHED. So that means, kissing, cuddling, caressing, whispering, licking, biting, etc.
Now, the problem isn’t that, it’s where and how these men do it. They don’t spend the right amount of time in ANY of the places they need to. They don’t take the time to really explore a woman’s body. I don’t know if it’s because they don’t want to or what, but, being a lesbian, all I want to do is explore a woman’s body. I want to hear every noise she makes from every spot I touch on her body.
Men, please stop GRABBING. Do not grab breasts, do not grab the ass, do not grab our shoulders. Gently caress them. Grab without constricting. Touch them. Glide your fingers across our skin. Women’s entire bodies are sexual. You can literally arouse a woman by touching any part of her body.
I will be as specific as possible.
Touching and kissing the breasts and nipples are amazing, but DO NOT GO THERE FIRST. The biggest problem I had with sleeping with men is this– it was always the same. The routine was exactly the same every time. I knew what was going to happen each time it started. First this, then that, then bam penetration.
No.
Women need diversity. We need to be surprised.
Start in different places every time.
Women love to be admired– by eyes and by touching. Slowly undress her as you kiss and touch each spot that is exposed. Make love to her flesh with your lips, EVERYWHERE. Don’t just kiss and peck at her skin, don’t just smooch her neck and shoulders. No, deeply kiss them as if you were kissing her lips. Use your tongue. Run your tongue down the length of her limbs, the sounds she makes will tell you everything you need to know. If she doesn’t want a spot touched, trust me, you’ll know it. But if she LIKES it, you’ll definitely know it and that means, KEEP DOING THAT. Do it some more. Tease her by moving elsewhere and doing the same thing, then move back to that spot that tantalized her so.
Don’t know where to kiss, lick, suck, and bite?
I’ll give you a run down.
Ears, ear LOBES (women love to have them lightly nibbled– that said, some might not, everyone is different, but TRY), neck (front, side, back), the spine (lick/caress from neck down, you’ll give her shivers of delight), the collarbone (mmm, one of my favorites), shoulders, inner elbow, inner wrist, sternum, nipples, the WHOLE breast (this means the sides, under boob, lick it, suck it, nibble it, listen to which way drives her the most crazy), rib cage (lick the bottom lining of the rib cage, lightly teeth it!), side of the rib cage, stomach (I cannot tell you enough to use your tongue! Lick around the belly button in circles, lick down to her pubic hair, kiss/nibble back up to the belly), PELVIC BONES (lick em! bite em!), hips, back of the hips, thighs especially the inner thigh (the closer you get to her vag, the more she’ll go crazy with need), back of the thigh, side of the thigh, back of knees, back of calves, ankles (back, side), under the butt, on top of the butt where it meets the spine.
Did I miss a spot? If you think so, TRY IT. I cannot express enough– TOUCH HER EVERYWHERE, KISS HER EVERYWHERE, AND MEAN IT.
As you kiss everywhere, trail your fingers LIGHTLY across her skin in all these places. Do circles, do curves, follow the curves and bones of her body, find some interesting freckles? Follow them in the pattern they create with your fingers, tongue, or lips.
Move the woman’s body. Lift limbs to access places you haven’t tried yet. Lift up her legs to kiss/lick down the back of her calf to her knee, to her thigh. Leave hickies! Unless she doesn’t want you to, so always ask!
Flip her over just to kiss from the back of her neck down the length of her spin. Caress her as you do this. Spank her. If you grab, do so GENTLY, not like you’re squeezing her to death. Women’s bodies respond to sensual and gentle touching. Wrap her legs around your head as you leave hickies on her thighs and gently graze her clit as you “mmmm,” you’ll leave her breathless.
Do not, DO NOT, touch her clit until you have her screaming from all the foreplay. Even if she is dripping wet before you’ve spent ten minutes on foreplay, do not enter! Tease her, make her BEG for you to enter her. She’ll either beg verbally, with words or whimpers, or she’ll beg with her eyes and hands. A woman will let you know when she is ready to be entered.
Do not enter until you know for sure she is begging for it.
When you’re kissing/licking her collarbone to her shoulder, run a hand along her rip cage, stomach, or thighs. Touch her whole body at once. If you’re kissing her thighs, tease a nipple or run your fingers along her collarbone or jaw. Did I mention the jaw? Oh yeah. Definitely spend time there. Kiss it, nibble it, lick it, run your fingers across it. Grab her face when you kiss her. Thread your fingers in her hair. Do all of this, at all times.
Constantly keep her whole body engaged. Do not ever focus solely on one spot.
You’ll have a fully satisfied woman after. I promise you.
at what point in history do you think americans stopped having british accents
Actually, Americans still have the original British accent. We kept it over time and Britain didn’t. What we currently coin as a British accent developed in England during the 19th century among the upper class as a symbol of status. Historians often claim that Shakespeare sounds better in an American accent.
whAT THE FUCK
I’m too tired for this
Always add in the video that according to linguists, Native southern drawl is a slowed down British.
T’ be or not t’be, y’all.
Fun fact: Same thing happened with the French accent. French Canadians still have the original French accent from the 15th century.
Êt’e ou n’pô zêt’e, vous z’auts.
I’ve been trying to find this post for months. I’m freakishly obsessed with this and want the truth of what early colonists sounded like.
“And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself.”
